So after never being to eXile before June 2011, I’ve been there approximately 3 times in the past two months. Now, I know what you are imagining:
That’s about right, but less hot and less crowding. Though it is kind of nice that no one gives a crap about what neighborhood you are from and are less bourgie than any of the other gay bars I’ve visited before. However, thank gawd Tim and I have been practicing saying “No” (video to come) because sometimes you just don’t want a 70 year old man with white shoes and calf high black socks sitting and staring at you. I’m just not down for “waiting 5 minutes for the Viagra to kick in” (Tim).
However, this is about Stripper night. Now, I can’t say I was impressed. Since there isn’t any full frontal nudity it was more like watching a go-go dancer get into uniform. But why spend 4 minutes pretending to taking off your clothes when it usually takes 15 seconds? One individual did have a gimmick, baseball uniform with bat routine. However, his performance fell flat when he couldn’t seem to catch the heavy beat of the bass with his gyrating hips, which only made it appear like he was having a seizure. I just want to be entertained, but I guess I’m too bourgie. Another had some nice B-boy moves but I don’t think anyone appreciated that aspect, and I didn’t appreciate his rendition of Ke$ha’s “Animal.”
However, being bored and stepping outside Tim and I talked about an important life question: “What song would you strip to?” I haven’t ever really thought about it. But I feel like if I had to do something I would probably have Les Petite Swans recorded from the wings of the stage and projected onto the walls. Which I would perform with the recording but once the lyrics started I would stop the head choreography and perform as if I’m stuck in this part that is supposed to allow me to be featured but in reality I’m stuck with the original meaning of these parts were supposed to be relatively unknown individuals. and I think stripping from a tutu would be baller. but I’m not exactly sure how to go from the dancing to the stripping. It would probably require a premature bow as part of the performance and a slide on dressing room.
The other option being I strip at a tragically slow pace, to the point where people aren’t sure if they are angry at the lack of action or they just don’t care to watch anymore. But I’m not sure what song it would be to, maybe and instrumental something or other or maybe Lisa Loab’s “Stay”
-EPF
Tags: bears, columbus, drag, drag queens, dressing, exile, Gay, gimmicks, kurt hummel, leather, leather daddies, les petite swans, lisa loab, performance, stay, strip, strippers, Swan Lake, undressing
